Stuff from G-Anne

Marunong ka bang magpacute?

Message: Pwedeng magpaturo? Feeling ko kasi nang nagsabog ang Maykapal ng kagalingan sa pagpapahumaling ng mga kalalakihan, parang nagtago ako sa kailaliman ng isang liblib na kweba at wala akong nakuha ni katiting man lang. Ika nga, being too charming was never one of my faults. Ang opinyon ng ibang tao sa akin sa unang tingin, kung hindi repulsively abrasive, eh, coldly indifferent naman. Alam ko yun, kasi tinanong ko ang mga kaibigan ko kung ano ang first impression nila sa akin. Meron rin namang iba na medyo tactful at sinasabi na I "look comfortable being alone", self-sufficient daw kumbaga kaya walang nagtatangkang lumapit kahit sino. Eh, sa mga crushes ko, kanyo? Paano ako umasta? Parang male-male na may speech defect at dyslexia o di naman kaya parang di-makabasag pinggan na noveciada sa kumbento - pormal na pormal at hindi nagsasalita o kung hindi naman parang isang sobrang dedma na weirdo. Sitcom ang crush life ko. Slapstick na may pagka-spoof na may pagka-horror. Abnormal ba ako? Bat di ako marunong magpa-cute? Ilang beses nang nangyari na andyan na sya sa tabi ko. O kaya sa harap ko. Nakangiti sya. Alam nyo ba ang pakiramdam na parang disconnected ang logic mo sa motor skills mo? Ganon. Hindi man lang ako makatango. Andali lang magsabi "Uy, musta?" Aargh. Di lang to katorpehan. Katangahan na talaga. May mga pagkakataon naman, ewan ko lang talaga kung bakit, na hindi ko talaga kayang malapit siya. Parang hindi ako mapalagay kaya ako ang lumalayo. Group meeting namin. Siyempre andun sya. Ewan ko lang kung saan nagbabakasyon ang diwa at dila ko kayat daig pa ako ng ibang extra sa mga telenovela. Buti pa sila, may mga one-liner, ako talaga, wala. Anyway, napansin yata ng mga kasamahan ko na masama pakiramdam ko. "Okay ka lang?", tanong nila. Nakatingin si lalaking pinagpalaan sa akin. Sa akin. Gusto niya ring malaman kung okay lang ako. Ako. At ano ang ginawa ko? Bilis, ano sa tingin nyo? Tumayo ako bigla sabay sabi nang, "Bili muna ako paracetamol." Tapos, lumakad ng mabilis palabas. Sa totoo lang, sumakit nga ulo ko. Sa sarili kong ka-weirdo-han. Ha-haay. Hindi naman palaging dont-know-what-to-do/say-whenever-you-are-near ang eksena ko. Nakakausap ko naman. Minsan, talaga lang nabobobo ako. My IQ shoots down a few points pag andyan na object of my affliction, uhm, affection pala. Magkaharap kami sa lamesa at nagke-kwentuhan. Nabanggit sa usapan namin na Kapampangan ang roots ko. Sabi niya, "So, its true pala na girls from Pampanga are pretty." Reaction ko? Wala. Tameme ako for what seemed to be an eternity of uncomfortable, tense silence. Sabay tingin sa sahig. Ano ba naman inaasahan kong makita doon sa sahig? Cue cards? Teleprompter? Bilis, ano sa tingin nyo? Dahil hanggang ngayon di ko talaga alam kung bakit. Iniba ko na lang ang usapan. Siguro nga wala sa personalidad ko ang mag-react sa mga klaseng remark na ganon with a "thank you". Pero, it would have been characteristic of me to have said, "Uy, ah. Wag ka naman gaanong magpa-obvious na nagkakagusto ka na sa akin." Di lang common sense ang nawawala sa akin. Pati sense of humor. Normally, I am a fast thinker; even quick-witted, sometimes. Kumbaga, parang DSL, mabilis ang response time. Pag crushie ko na ang kaharap ko, nagiging 28.8 kbps na dial-up ako. Oras ang lumilipas bago ko nalalaman kung ano ang pinaka-akmang sabihin. Saklap. May kaibigan ako. Kung ako ay hindi pa nakakapasa ng pre-school sa pagpapa-cute, yung kaibigan ko, may ph.d. na. Nakalimutan ko kung nakailang nobyo na sya, sa sobrang dami. Ako, ni isa, hindi pa nagkakaroon. Sabi niya, you have to give a motive daw. Yung mga tipong, pasulyap-sulyap daw o kaya pangiti-ngiti sa taong gusto mo. She tried to tell me that flirting is something every girl should master. Hindi ba pwedeng ibang paraan na lang? Wala akong talent sa beautiful eyes kahit noong bata pa ako, eh. Hindi yan isa sa mga naging tricks ko noong toddler pa ako. And I dont think reciting Ten Little Indians count as a flirtation skill. Pero ang pagpapa-cute is just a way to get to know the other person better, di ba? Sabi ko sa sarili ko, baka pwedeng mag-tong-its na lang kami. Ako pa bibili ng isang malaking supot ng mani. Mas magkakakilala kami sa ganoong paraan. As they say, you learn more about a person in five minutes of play than in an hour of talk. O, sige, baka mas gusto niya ng Uno, ok rin lang sa akin. Eh, pano nyan? Kailangan ko pa rin syang yayain mag-hang out para maglaro. Based on my track record, malamang, makakaubos ako ng isang supot ng mani mag-isa nang di oras. Pero sabi nga ng iba, kung hindi ngayon, kailan pa? It's better to have loved/liked and lost than never to have loved/liked at all. Seize the day. No guts, no glory. You only live once. If I can change the world, I would be the sunlight in your universe. At kung anu-ano pa. Matawa rin kaya sya? Wag lang syang himatayin sa gulat, ayos na.

The Simple Guy

I am a simple guy. Most of the time I just keep to myself. I spend a lot of my time at home. Just listening to the radio or playing the piano. I love to cook, read and read cookbooks (??) I enjoy the simple things in life like peace&quiet and good conversation with good company. I do not smoke and I hardly drink. You might say I am not so typical. But like most guys I am into sports like basketball (bundled with the usual armchair game analysis) and nifty gadgets. My friends are divided into three groups: The raucous but shy-type males who spend their time plotting a hostile military takeover, the quintessential garden variety org mates back in college and the girl buds who always ask for advice. I am the eldest and have two siblings. My sister (middle child) is the proto-type cheerleader/varsity player who is sweet and endearing as she is evil elitist in nature. The youngest (My kid brother) is an academic mutant freak and the more quiet one among the three of us. Sometimes I feel burdened by the fact that I am the eldest and a male at that. I always have to lead by example for my siblings not to question my authority. This has caused much conflict between me & my sis. Especially with curfews. I also feel bewilderment at times when girl friends ask me for advice regarding matters of the heart. I do not know how this came about (maybe my image as the huggable & harmless teddybear has something to do with it). My peers say it is a gift that I should take advantage of but that is not my style. I just shrug my shoulders at their suggestion. A lot of times I feel sad and have no one to talk to. I seldom open up to people unless I really trust them. Often I just regale them with stories about amazing facts and trivia. This has made me come across as lively and talkative when the reality is my mind is somewhere else and I feel so alone. Real friends are so hard to come by. FIN.

Live by honor, Kill by Stealth

Live by honor, Kill by Stealth

When it rains, boredom pours. Alas, I am stuck with much ado ‘bout nothing. With a disposition of finding somethin’ worthwhile even my prudence for everything RPG has been set aside. And there it was, gathering dust underneath Turok Evolution (???)…

The game I always wanted to play but the controls are just too darn hard. Spaced out at first, I relearned it like a baby taking his first steps. Sh*t, this is game for those who love vertigo, I mutter in protest.

Eventually, havin’ played the training level and falling a bazillion times to the hands of chunky faced samurai AIs, I got kick-ass good. (Yeah! I’m gonna open a can of samurai whoop-ass!)

The gameplay is above average. The storyline, very immersive and ma-drama, I tell you. Definitely one of the first quality stealth games. Tenchu: Wrath of Heaven follows the back-stabbing (literally) lives of estranged clan members, Rikimaru and the femme fatale, Ayame, as they slice and dice throughout feudal Japan. With it’s in-depth gameplay, there are various ways of disposing your foes. You can do it the ol’ fashion way which is a head-on sword fight or you can go sneaky and impose a variety of stealth kills. Kills done by stealth are rewarded by completing an incantation that unlocks special ninja skills. A blood and gorefest hence it’s Mature NTSC rating.

There is also an unlockable character, who is known to kill enemies by breaking their bones & surgically removing vital organs (by hands) (how cool is that?). I haven’t finished the game yet kaya di ko pa siya nakikita.

The game is worlds apart from the garden variety MMO-RPGs and FPS. It’s not for the impatient and those who love company. You’ll be spending lots of times alone, running and sneaking up on potential victims. A very quiet game riddled with sudden outbursts of violence. I call it meditation with a katana.

I can’t wait for the 3rd installment of this game..

The Simple Guy. . .

I am a simple guy. Most of the time I just keep to myself. I spend a lot of my time at home. Just listening to the radio or playing the piano. I love to cook, read and read cookbooks (??) I enjoy the simple things in life like peace&quiet and good conversation with good company. I do not smoke and I hardly drink. You might say I am not so typical. But like most guys I am into sports like basketball (bundled with the usual armchair game analysis) and nifty gadgets. My friends are divided into three groups: The raucous but shy-type males who spend their time plotting a hostile military takeover, the quintessential garden variety org mates back in college and the girl buds who always ask for advice. I am the eldest and have two siblings. My sister (middle child) is the proto-type cheerleader/varsity player who is sweet and endearing as she is evil elitist in nature. The youngest (My kid brother) is an academic mutant freak and the more quiet one among the three of us. Sometimes I feel burdened by the fact that I am the eldest and a male at that. I always have to lead by example for my siblings not to question my authority. This has caused much conflict between me & my sis. Especially with curfews. I also feel bewilderment at times when girl friends ask me for advice regarding matters of the heart. I do not know how this came about (maybe my image as the huggable & harmless teddybear has something to do with it). My peers say it is a gift that I should take advantage of but that is not my style. I just shrug my shoulders at their suggestion. A lot of times I feel sad and have no one to talk to. I seldom open up to people unless I really trust them. Often I just regale them with stories about amazing facts and trivia. This has made me come across as lively and talkative when the reality is my mind is somewhere else and I feel so alone. Real friends are so hard to come by. FIN.

Destiny and the Lonely Ones

Destiny…

The days passed by
Like empty rain clouds
Uneventful and fortuitous

Jargon fills my lips
As dread pound between my every heartbeat
Where are you?

I am lost looking for you
As stillness haunts my very being
Waiting, hoping you would

Bump me by the crowded pedestrian
Or prompt me by accident
Yet you do not

And I am still here, waiting. . .

THOUGHTS ON...

THOUGHTS ON. . .


Love, in the form in which it exists in society, is nothing but the exchange of two fantasies and the superficial contact of two bodies.

Nicolas Chamfort (1741 - 1794)
French writer.
(Maximes et pensées)


Love's pleasure lasts but a moment; love's sorrow lasts all through life.

Jean-Pierre Claris de Florian (1755 - 1794)
French playwright and novelist.


Fools give you reasons, wise men never try.

Oscar Hammerstein II (1895 - 1960)
U.S. lyricist and librettist.
Song lyric.
South Pacific, "Some Enchanted Evening"


By the time you say you're his,
Shivering and sighing,
And he vows his passion is
Infinite, undying—
Lady, make a note of this:
One of you is lying.

Dorothy Parker (1893 - 1967)
U.S. writer and wit.
Unfortunate Coincidence

Quandary: the diverging roads ahead

Quandary: the diverging roads ahead…

Here again, caught in an entangled web of my own doing. Besie would say, “What’s new” shrugs her shoulder and drinks her mocha frap. I whisk my gaze upon the dim city lights below. My silence, in unison with her thoughts. Yup, the accursed pattern of my acrid life.

And the sick joke of the powers that be, offering me chocolate cakes and rockyroad brownies. All too knowing that I cannot make the choice. My fence sitter mantra getting the better of me, as always.

If you can’t take the pain then you aint worth the gain, or so it seems. Capital punishment for the jaded xenophile in a dog-eat-dog world. Sheesh and no matter how hard you turn the logic on, you still reach the uncertain conclusion. Infinitesimal or not, time will always catch up with the choices you make or not make.

In the end, you never told the unmentionable offenses of your feebleness (read: what they meant to you) and everyone slides past the situation except you. “Oh crap, I’m still here.” And the lights unfazed. And my life unfurling in half-pi rad. FIN.


Beheaded, Beguiled, Begotten. . .

Anxiously, the excitement creeps under my skin. That tingling sense of urgency. A wee bit late but just barely there in the nick of time?? Only to hear the news that bangs on my head like a potent bottle of Absolut Citron. Argh! 24/7 and nothing substantial. I muttered invectives so flowery in nature that the rating is still pending. Alas, the solstice of the season has changed only to rub in the obvious. When one’s highlight of the day is waiting for DC re-runs, you can’t help but think often despotic positive thoughts. Is this the bottom of my rut? Or just the next cyclic process of my bottom-feeder existence?

Stuff from Karen Anne

THE PREMISE of this article lies on the principle that sometimes,
loving a person doesn't mean it has to be romantic and loving a person for the rest of your life doesn't mean you have to end up marrying them. Can a man and a woman just be friends? I'd say yes and they should be.


Hindi dahil kinaibigan ka, liligawan ka na. Not every guy who befriends you has an ulterior motive. Get over yourself. Don't flatter yourself. There is a reason why he befriended you, but don't automatically assume that it's because he wants to be your so-called boyfriend. If this will be the principle you'll follow every time someone asks you to be his friend, you're gonna miss a great deal from the friendship.

Hindi dahil mabait sa iyo, nililigawan ka na. There are people who are naturally sweet and kind. There are people who are innately good and no matter how wicked you seem, they just find it so easy to be kind to you. It doesn't mean he is courting you. Don't put yourself through unnecessary stress trying to figure out if he's courting you or not. Because I think if he is, you won't have to guess, you'll know and you'll be very certain about it.

Hindi dahil he talks to you a lot, he loves you na. You don't befriend a person if you absolutely abhor him, right? Chances are you make sense when he talks to you, or you're probably very patient listening to him. The two of you probably connect on some level but why does it always have to be assumed to be romantic? Being two intelligent, mature human beings, you need to accept that it's nice to share a cup of coffee over a stimulating conversation, and that you don't have to automatically put romantic connotation to it. Relieve yourself of the pressure. It's just coffee and a shared interest.

Hindi dahil cute ang friend mo, crush/love mo na siya. This is the most amusing thing that hit me lately. People always assume that because your friend is cute or should I say, hot (because cute is a word you describe your high school crush while hot is a word you use to describe a hunk), "lakas amats mo na for repapips!" Let me just say this, at least from my own personal experience, I'm just nearsighted, I haven't gone blind. I can still appreciate God's creation! However, there will always be weird things, crazy things, stupid things that will keep you, believe me, from having a crush on him. First of all, you'd know his history with women, enough to judge what's good for you. Second, don't you just hate it when a guy who's absolutely always put together, who looks intelligent enough pronounces the word country as "kawntri" and the word mango as "meynggo." Call me crazy for judging a person just because he
can't pronounce these words right. I admit, I'm crazy.

Hindi dahil you hang out with each other most of the time, you'd end up being boyfriend-girlfriend. Self-explanatory... There are a thousand, no million different reasons why things don't always turn out that way. There is no one proven formula. For all we know, the reason why he likes hanging out with you is because he likes getting kikay tips from you. He probably plans on being kikay himself and he needs a mentor.

A dinner with a guy friend does not necessarily equate to a date.
Especially if you're paying for your share no. Hello? Three things to consider: the place, the topic and how the two of you actually planned to meet. First, how it was planned. If it were a date expect that he would ask you out at least three days before the actual date to give you some lead time, to give you the notion that you are not just a filler on his schedule. Second, the place. If it were a real date, the both of you would want real food and a place where you could really talk things through. Don't go out with a guy to a movie on Friday night if you're really serious about him. Going to a movie is more like treating him like a "filler" just because you had nothing to do on a Friday night so you might as well go out. Topic. Ha! You wouldn't be talking about chikang artista, chikang opisina or argue if the one girl's boobs are real or not. You would be probably talking about sensible, quite personal stuff.

in the beginning...

first, there was dsl access then came forth thoughts as myriad as the opposing forces of good and evil..
and then there was me.